I faked an abortion last night.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
