i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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