If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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