there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
