Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
