My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
