I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
