I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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