Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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