seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
