you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
