am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
