He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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