yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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