Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
