he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
