I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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