Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
