I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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