I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
