dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
