If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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