i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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