if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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