I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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