I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
