Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
