I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
