ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
