she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
