They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He better not be in your backpack
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
