my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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