Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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