I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
