This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
