I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
