I'm jealous of your bromance
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
