I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
