im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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