she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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