I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
