Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
