And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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