Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
