did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
