Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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