It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
