What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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