I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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