everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
