My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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