perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
